Dwight Fletcher | Don’t be like Judas – forgive yourself

MANY OF us know Judas Iscariot as the man who betrayed Jesus. He chose a few coins of silver over his Saviour and now his name is synonymous with betrayal and treason. Yet, what if I told you that betraying Jesus wasn’t the lowest point in his life? Judas made everything so much worse when he decided to take his own life, instead of seeking forgiveness.

Look at Matthew 27:3 says, “When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty silver coins to the chief priests and the elders.” Judas recognised his fault. He was flooded with feelings of guilt, regret, shame, and he tried to make things right. However, if you read the rest of that passage, you see that even though he gave back the money, he never found peace and he hanged himself.

It was an issue of unforgiveness of self that caused his suicide. His actions were so overwhelming in his mind that he couldn’t forgive himself, and he thought that suicide was the only escape. What a lie from the devil!

Many of us are suffering the death that unforgiveness causes. Even if we haven’t thought about or attempted suicide, when we don’t forgive ourselves, it kills us from the inside.

1. SELF-UNFORGIVENESS KILLS HOPE FOR TODAY

It prevents you from living in the present. You are constantly being reminded of your past and replaying the sorrow, instead of recognising the hope that is available today. What Judas did was horrible, but there was a godly way out. He just couldn’t see it.

2. SELF-UNFORGIVENESS ROBS YOU OF DESTINY

God created you with a good plan for your life. Psalm 40:5 GNT says, “You have done many things for us, O Lord our God; there is no one like you! You have made many wonderful plans for us.” However, unforgiveness will stifle that out of your life. When you condemn yourself, you’re choosing to let past decisions define who you are. But you are more than the worst thing you’ve ever done. God doesn’t want you to be defined by your sin. If you ask Him, the Bible says, “I will forgive the wrongs they have done, and I will not remember their sins.” Hebrews 8:12(ERV).

3. SELF-UNFORGIVENESS REJECTS LOVE

When we don’t forgive ourselves, we are rejecting ourselves. We are saying that we don’t deserve the forgiveness, compassion and love that others should freely receive. Then we end up pushing others away, including God. Self-unforgiveness kills positive relationships. Not only do we become unable to receive love, but it makes us incapable of loving others. How can we obey Matthew 22:39 (NIV) that says, “Love your neighbour as yourself” if we’re stuck in a cycle of self-hatred?

4. SELF-UNFORGIVENESS PROMOTES PRIDE AND DESTRUCTION

At the core of not forgiving oneself is an issue of pride. What we are saying is that we are less capable of making poor decisions than others. We are somehow more intuitive, wiser, more insightful, more careful than others. Therefore, we are without excuse and should not forgive ourselves when we mess up. That is pride. Whenever we enact a higher set of standards for ourselves over others, that is pride. Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Unforgiveness of oneself is an act of pride which also brings self-destruction.

Hear me: You are worthy of love. With all your blunders and imperfections and bad choices, you’re a human being who deserves love, honour, and dignity. To be human is messy and mistake ridden — we’re all in the same boat. Withholding forgiveness from yourself only leads to destruction. Self-forgiveness is absolutely essential to living a full, meaningful, and authentic life.